Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
