Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
