So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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