So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
