david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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