At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
