Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
