....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
