it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
