Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
