im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
