Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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