It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
