Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
