my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
