Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
