ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They took my balls.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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