so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
