driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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