i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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