Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Come on in and take your pants off
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