I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
