Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
