How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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