I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
