He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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