The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
