he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's official drugs can't kill me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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