i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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