At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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