I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
