I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I touched a dick in church today
COCAINE IS GR8
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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