Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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