Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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