tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My penis needs a shock collar
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
