someone threw a dead crab at me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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