Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
