dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think your dad took our porno
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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