I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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