The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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