Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How does one acquire holy water?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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