For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
