It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
