toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
