I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
