guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
