this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
