matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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