so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
