Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
