I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
