If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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