Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
