I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She told me I should be a condom model.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
