I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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