yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
