His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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