you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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