When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
