We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I believe in your delicious
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
