Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
