Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
