It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
