I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
