Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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