You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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