Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
