i already hear my dad disowning me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
