I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I still have a little drunk in my system
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
