I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
